Ok, I had to share these two stories....
1) Amitha and I ventured out to the local grocery store on Wednesday. One of the nurses dropped us off but told us that since the store closed at 6pm, we would have to catch a local taxi and pointed at a car that had an obvious yellow stripe and "TAXI" written on the side. We finished shopping and exited the store where we were met by a group of men who stated that they were all taxi drivers. One man took our cart and started walking away claiming that he could take us wherever we wanted. We asked him to take us to the Baylor clinic and he stated that he had no idea where it was but would take us there. Yes, super sketchy. We ran and blocked the cart, grabbed our bags and hid in the neighboring liquor store. We bought a 3 liter boxed wine and ventured back out into the plaza. Another man approached us and tore our bags out of our hands and started walking. We followed him to an unmarked white car where he was putting our bags into the trunk. He pushed us into the car where another man jumped into the driver's seat. We were of course, panicked. I asked him if he was a taxi and he said "yes, do you not trust me?" and sped off into traffic. I gave Amitha the phone and I sat in the front. My plan was to beat him off while she called someone for help. Fortunately, he was able to take us to where we needed to be. Apparently, after this ordeal, we were informed that the local taxi drivers love "getting lost" when they are with foreigners. We got back to our place safely with our 3 liters of boxed wine intact.
2) The three of us decided to go to Cape Town this weekend. We spent a 5 hours looking for a plane ticket. The only flight available to Cape Town was out of Johannesburg (a 5 hour drive) today due to the South Africa vs. Australia rugby match. We were able to hire a driver at the last minute named Zippho. He showed up around 1 hour later than he told us he would. The drive was fine but he stopped twice to take a leak on the side of the road and once to buy a Coke and peanuts. Needless to say, we barely made our flight to Johannesburg. During one of his pee breaks, Amitha woke up and stated that she really needed to use the restroom. As he was wrapping up his business, she stated that she was going to have to use the restroom on roadside because were in the middle of nowhere. Zippho came back to the car and the story is best told with the following dialogue...
Zippho "Let's go, we are late..."
Amitha "No, I need to use the bathroom too!"
Zippho "No, it's not safe for ladies," as he is driving off...
Amitha "But, I really have to go!"
Zippho "We will stop at the garage up there, it's about 5 to 9 minutes away."
Amitha "Why can't ladies go?"
Zippho "Because there are lions that will attack you."
Amitha "Lions will attack ladies and not men?"
Zippho "Yes, men can run away, ladies cannot because they use the bathroom differently, also, the men driving by will see you."
Amitha "What?"
Zippho "The lions will kill you and then eat you!"
Amitha "What if they eat me before they kill me?"
Zippho "No the lions will kill you, I hate lions."
1 hour later....
Denise "Dude, where is this garage?"
Zippho "It's right up there, it is 5-9 minutes away."
So there you go, that is why you can't pee on the side of the road in Africa if you're a woman. Lions will kill you and then eat you.
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