16 November, Sunday
The “shift” or relocation was, again, uneventful. There was no thunderous excitement rather I was imbued with caveat and somewhat discouraged despair of the presence of an ethereal healthy sleep. Though the wish was real, the reassurance is mildly heartbreaking for I must remind myself where I am.
It’s been two days since I moved into my new gruha. (I like that word.) The first night was an absolute blessing as my slumber was undisruptive and uninterrupted from 10 pm until 5 am. The unparalleled rest was embraced with a smile when I awoke. There was no crying baby, no screaming mother and no slamming doors. Again, that luxury was short lived. Last night was another restless night because of howling dogs. The barking was very peculiar in a sense that I think someone died in the middle of the night. The canines were communicating with each other and they were grieving with the people. I say this because the dogs howled like an opera choir with a conductor leading the beats. The tempo on the hymn was carried out collectively with one dog being a soprano, howling in a different tune, a higher octave than the rest then a sudden stop like a sharp note, silence. After eight beats, they start again. It was not your ordinary barking dog.
I now live on the fourth floor of a five story new high rise apartment building near the market at Main Road, JP Nagar. I do not know my address. There was no waft of foul, stale odor like the previous place but this brand new building is no different than the other structures anywhere. Even new buildings can look so old due to poor application of finishing touches. The kitchen counter has a marble finish splattered with paint drips. The newly painted walls appeared to have artistic tweak of “tie dye” patterns and smudged finger prints all over. Plastic, accordion like pipes attached underneath the sinks boldly protruding in sight making its way into a hole carved from the tile floor. T spot no more, even a western commode was available (although I began to get comfortable with the “t spot”). The T spot is good for hip openings, knees and ankle strengths. It is not a place for spending time brooding on mortal confines or reading the comic strips or the Delhi Times. A small water heater tank in the bathroom is installed and I no longer need the filament stick to submerge to the bucket to heat my water. Murky water sputters and trickles in the shower head (they call it geyser). I use the bucket.
The mosquitoes followed me. I think they sneaked in my luggage while I was zipping them. Since there is power outage here every hour on the hour, the plug-in was not a practical weapon against them. Again, I went to Nilgris and purchased the coils, more candles, matches, rags and cleaning supplies to wipe the kitchen counters. I even brought my own pair of gloves because I know I will be cleaning. I also have a veranda with iron bars to hang my clothes. It is so skinny I can not fit a chair there and stretch my legs. I wash my own clothes. I did not want laundry service. Washing clothes here is a day job. They place your clothes on a rock and smash it with a wooden bat. It is like a punishment because they are dirty and now they deserved to get beat, abused and pony up.
Every time I come and go, I see many people on the ground floor. I am not sure what they do there. The basement is far from finished and the immediate surroundings do not separate my area from the rest of Bangalore’s smoldering avalanche of ruin. I try to acknowledge them and say hello as the curious stare penetrates each time. I feel an invasive inquiry coming. Sure enough, they ask if I am “Nepalese”. By the way, I had been asked that numerous times. I respond no, smile and climb up the stairs. Five minutes thereafter, I heard a loud bang at my door (I do have a door bell). I inquired and when I opened, there were five women ready to make a social connection with me. I politely refused as I have not had a so pleasant day. In fact, I felt a headache for the first time. Is it because of anxiety? After all, I have not been settled for a couple of weeks.
Monday, my Ayurveda class is supposed to begin. I have a huge doubt it will come to fruition because I have not heard from guru N since yesterday morning after our yoga practice. Doubts are unstitched distraction to cittam. For a yogi, anything that prevents cultivation of awareness is an obstacle. This is where I recognize that, yes, indeed, I need bloody work on my cittam. We had many plans for the afternoon (studies). This is not like him. Being the pitta that I am, my first reaction was furious! After a while, my sensible and understanding nature prevailed and I try to reason out. Given the fact of India’s culture, I should not use my culture as a benchmark to gauge communication, empathy and consideration in the same manner. I must first wait and hear his story before I react. If I can implement patience waiting in line at the post office and DMV back home, I must validate the same virtue here. Now that is what my svadyaya teaches me. There is a part of me that has become antevasin, a novice wisdom.
But even in this complicated transporting metaphor, my desire to seek the ultimate purpose, the union from within, my yoga, my attempt to attain that communion with God within me, I have begun, but it seems my destination has a mighty distance to go. I am a beginner in every sense. I had been a meditator in the past decade but I have not achieved a commendable pattern or consistency that deserves a noble plaque or a medal or even a pat in the back. The act is so fragmented, pathetic, sporadic and unpredictable, a humbling embarrassment. I define that accomplishment to be some specific timeframe from start to finish without missing a beat, my daily meditation. But I must remind myself, that is why I am here. Total separation from the daily grind and more detachment from distractions should allow me that opportunity here and now. Thoughts become actions, actions become habits and habits build a character. In my previous visit here, I made a pact with myself to do 12 sets of surya namaskar brahmamuhurta for 108 unbroken days. I achieved that feat successfully, twice. I also recited 40 unbroken days of mantras. Therefore, meditating 108 connecting days is also inevitable and achievable. All I have to do is engage discipline. Shall I settle for 40 days as a start instead?
Going back to last week’s event, while in Mysore for the day, I got to visit a local Ayurvedic doctor. Dr. B from the Government of India Ayurvedic Center is the Director there for the past 20 some years. It amazes me how they can identify your dosha from checking your pulse. He took my pulse and he not just reconfirmed my dosha but said “Aaahhh, you were born with pitta. I have a vitiated kapha so I sought for his advice. I also have an irritated meniscus (meniscusitis?). The doctor visit was 30 rupees but he said it was complimentary for me today because I am a guest of Guru N. He said pancha karma in his center can cost only 600 rupees. The Ayurvedic doctor in Mysore who serves the westerners and yogis charges 200 rupees for a visit and 70,000 rupees for pancha karma. I repeat, he charges 70,000 rupees for pancha karma. It is not a typo. Yogis, are you reading this? He gave me an ayurvedic ointment called Sagun liniment for my knee. It costs 60 rupees for 60 ml. May I have your attention please. THIS STUFF WORKS! It is so freagin’ unbelievable! Mother, I will bring some back for your aching feet. In fact, I think I will buy 25 gallons to bring back. I can do padmasana again! Sagun’s ingredients include kulnijan, sunti, nirgundi, eranda, bala, jatthipal, suganda drayva and sesame oil.
Besides writing today, I also studied a lot. I wrote many articles on yoga therapy, created a grid on asanas and physical limitations and benefits, some Sanskrit mantras and aphorisms. I even memorized the pranayama schloka. Guru N just came by. We talked and discussed our plan for the week ahead, then he left. I learned that he went to his native home to attend pada puja for her niece who passed away this weekend. I think I deserve to be proud of my behavior, for allowing him to come and talk before I jumped into conclusions. It is time for papaya treat. It is almost 7:00 pm. I must stop for there is a busy week ahead. Ayurveda and Kriyas classes tomorrow are on.
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