This is report of my journey or mission you could call it on my 22 hour train journey from Kunming to Chengdu, just to make it a but spicy i decided to take a hard seat which cost under 5 pounds... an absolute bargain as you will soon find out! To show how interesting it was i organised it in an hour by hour update format... enjoy!
I arrived at the station in good time... around 9:30 for my 10 o'clock start, only 22 hours to go!
1st Hour: Read book, it was a new read especially for the train journey, Great Expections, Dickens Classic... reason Cheapest book in the shop! also had a cig and went to the toilet, washed my hands as you do, after my hands were steaming, the scary thing was the water was cold... it's got to be the worst train so far... brilliant!
Hour 2: Seeen a lake... highlight so far, apart from that it's been brick walls all the way!
Hour 3:Everyone on the train has got something to sell, it's like a mini market in a train! Boiled Eggs, Tofu, Random Fake Wrigleys Chewing Gum, Key Rings... you name it, they've got it! I-Pod Time!!
Hour 4: My Rubix cube, which i got free with a jar of jam is doing the rounds of the carriage... the chinese can't get enough of it!
Hour 5: Got told to put pen knife away by steward,when making jam sandwhiches, wasn't going to argue, she was scary... even for a chinese lady! Beer O'clock?
Hour 6: Standard Sock seller arrives to do his regular demonstration which involves getting a wire brush and slashing at the socks for about 2 mins, leaving the socks suprisingly spotless... no chance of getting a hole in those toes! First bit of standing time as the arse is already going a but numb... only 16 hours to go!
Hour 7: have to sit and watch a fat chinese women eat/chew/spit chicken feet right in front of me for about half an hour... it was horrible, i've seen pigs in a sty eat better!
Hour 8: Fat Bitch is still eating... she's just ordered herself a big plate of rice etc and a huge grapefruit... i think she aims to eat it all herself?!
Hour 9: The train is packed... thank god i have a seat... apart from that not a great deal to report! Oh yes, she's still eating!!
Hour 10: I've lost a shoe.... whilst stood on a seat searching through my backpack, it had got stuck under a service trolly and made it's way into the next carriage... no one helped for about 5 mins, so i was sat looking like a right plonker (didn't want to walk as fat bitch had spat chicken feet everywhere!) , with one foot shoeless, finally a bloke went to look for me and retrieved it! oh yeah... talking about fat bitch, she is now asleep... snoring!
Hour 11: Got Chatting to a policeman (the man who saved my shoe!), he can speak a bit of english, i think he will be my translater for the rest of the trip!
Hour 12: Start writing diary... everyone in carriage starts looking at me funny... translator informs me it is because i am left handed!
Hour 13: Officially Beer o'clock, quarter bottle of brandy opened poured into a coke bottle... mmm... better!
Hour 14: Bottle of Wine opened... made a classy glass for myself using the empty coke bottle... this train journey ain't all that bad... easy! easy! easy!
Hour 15: Wine Spillage... not my fault! Red Wine Everywhere! everyone once again looks in amazement as i tidy it up... why they ask?!
Hour 16: Quite pissed... i've thought of a new comedy sketch show (not giving any secrets away about it!)... it's got to be a winner! Train starts to quiet down!
Hour 17: Star Guitar!!! After being on the train for 17 hours...i remember that the Chemical Brothers music video for Star Guitar is set like a scene on a train, start playing it, open the curtains and it is pitch black... will try again at sunrise!
Hour 18: I've Hit the wall... Just like in a marathon, which i think is around the 18 mile mark... i can't take no more... only 4 hours to go and i can't take much more!
Hour 19: Try and sleep... no sleep!
Hour 20: Try and sleep... no sleep!
Hour 21: ........................
Hour 22: Arrive... fresh as a daisy?! 1 bottle of wine, 1 bottle of brandy, a lost shoe... creation of a new comedy sketch show and no sleep... i'm there, Hello Kunming... Damn forgot about Star Guitar!
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