Hello Friends and Family. Sorry I have not written sooner. The busy nature of the traveling world and the breaking of my laptop left me out of technology loop for a while. This is a l-o-n-g update so maybe I should have included chapters titles if you'd like to read it piecemeal :-)
These past two months have been one of the most growing and challenging times in my life! I have been 'working' in Thailand, Poland, Latvia, and Turkey. Our DTS program graduated 30 students strong in Jerusalem a few days ago and now I'm in Tel Aviv just finishing our staff debrief.
Let me bring you up to speed about my DTS outreach. At the beginning of our travels, if you remember, our team had six members, me as the staff leader and five students. We planned on ministering in five countries for ten weeks including Thailand, Poland, Latvia, Russia, and Turkey. Along the way, however, "stuff" began to happen and the course of our team was seriously altered so take a deep breath as I explain what happened...
The short and skinny of it is that 4/5 team members had to be asked to leave the team because of severe misconduct. We also eliminated two weeks in Russia, went directly to Turkey after Latvia, and brought in another leader to help me from New Zealand. Doing OK so far?... The outreach ended a week prematurely that left my coleader Josie and last student to travel to Israel while I traveled to St. Louis for a week to be in my younger brother's (Ryan) wedding. After I returned, I joined the rest of my one-person team, along with other eight staff members and thirty students for graduation, and have been in Israel since June 21st.
Like I mentioned, this was an extremely difficult decision and was dealt with through dozens of meetings, emails, and several around-the-world conference calls over the span of three weeks. At one point we had several three-way calls between Latvia, New Zealand, and Mongolia! Needless to say, we went to great lengths to try to work things out because our students pay thousands of dollars to be on our program so we do not take sending them home lightly; but our warnings fell of deaf ears and severe action had to be taken.
That said, you are probably wondering "what happened?". Good question. In short, I don't have all the answers as to "why" this debacle happened but I know that my team's conduct was antithetical to everything our organization teaches and, more importantly, what the Bible teaches about how one should act overseas, and in life in general. Overall, it consisted of blatant insubordination, disrespect and moral failure. I knew there were problems on our team but in Turkey, after receiving a second leader to help me from New Zealand, it became very clear that the actions of the students made it very necessary to end their time with our group short of graduation.
Through this experience I learned a great deal about myself as He "dealt" with me on several issues in my own life. Most of all I learned that our battle is "not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). This is important to keep in mind when I was looking to "blame" people. On the surface it was easy to blame the people that chose these actions, and this rightly so, but ultimately a battle like this is spiritual in nature, especially due to fact that the Enemy hates the work that Christians do for God's Kingdom.
Secondly, I learned that leadership is tough, especially as a Christian leader because Christians have standards, a proverbial and literal "right and wrong" that we live by. White is white and black is black, and a spade is still a spade even when challenged otherwise. It is important to keep this in mind when living in a postmodern world and dealing with actions and consequences. Leaders take, well, a lot of "crap" (for lack of a more proper term), and an understanding of "blanket truth" is of upmost importance to navigate through rough and dangerous waters of interpersonal relationships. Furthermore, one has dig down deep to find the Lord's "springs of living water" if he wants to truly survive (and even thrive) in the desert of conflict. For a while I honestly lost my compass, and felt extremely alone and vulnerable, yet hindsight and a God-view has proven once again that His Presence was with me throughout, holding me closely when I was being torn from all sides.
Our Father also taught me that some burden's are not meant to be carried; namely, sin is not a burden that is supposed to be carried by us. Instead, its to be brought into the light and dealt with--and I learned a great deal how to recognize and deal with conflict caused by sin. Its a tough job, especially when you're being accused of wrongdoing--that its YOUR fault!--and people choose not to take personal take responsibility. And, adding the fact that this is supposed to be a Christian group, its all the more difficult to understand.
This fire of conflict was almost devouring, burning me to the first and second degrees but not the third--my core was not compromised. Day by day my character was constantly challenged, my patience pushed to the point of lashing out, my intentions questioned, my motivation left wanning, my integrity grilled, and my integrity pressured to the measure of "who am I?", and my heart ultimately breaking. I came very close to throwing in the white towel of submission and going home in Poland but I didn't...not that day.
From the words of Aragorn in "The Return of the King": Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"
It was for that reason--the reason of duty, calling, commitment, and enduring hardships--that I persevered through this battle with God's strength. I am happy to say I made the right choice: I stood in the face of giants and overcame--not people per say but situations, attitudes, evil spirits, and my own insecurities. God found me worthy of being tested and I passed, maybe without "flying colors" but victory was in the fact that I and one student successfully completed this difficult ten week journey shattered but not broken--God's anchor held.
And, in the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans 8:28 "All things And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I believe God has plans to use these events to teach me and several other people about how to stay focused on Jesus amidst the storm, and that we "can do everything through him who gives us strength (Phil 4:13). What Satan intends for evil, God intends for good--this is a fact that we learn in the ivory towers theology but one that must be played outside the textbook in real life struggles. To acquiesce is to tell God He is not capable of dealing with our problems, and to quit is not an option. Christian warriors don't give up, they fight with weapons made not of this world but from heaven, given to us to "fight the good fight, and finish the race marked out for us" (1 Tim 1:18, Acts 20:24).
Many of you have your own version of this fight, at home, at work, and even in your families, and if this is true, I send encouragement from above to "stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand" (Eph 6:13), and to pray like everything depends upon God.
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On the bright side of this matter, before our team disbanded in our last country, we did manager to do some "work" because we were together for nine weeks. We worked in orphanages, English clubs, children's ministries, prayer walking, passing out tracks, and a host of other activities. Miraculously, even amidst our team problems, our hosts in Poland said that one outreach/barbecue we had was their greatest even ever! And, the kids faces shone brightly as we played muddy soccer with them in the rain in Latvia. One Thai lady in Phucket even stated that her headaches left her after we prayed for her. God definitely used us in several ways and those are the gems I am taking with me.
This is what I have learned thus far, and, if you'd like to hear more, I can share with you in person, just contact me. I do not hold grudges against my team members for God commands us to forgive, both because He forgave us and the fact that, as His children, we are not spiritually, emotionally, or physically "wired" to hold people in such prisons, for they fundamentally imprison us. I set them free and even pray that God will bless them and help them live in the light. Some of the relationships have already begun restoration as one student was truly sorry and repentent for their actions.
For now, its a rest and recuperation time. I'll be in Tel Aviv, for a few more days then do some traveling in Scandinavia and end up in England volunteering at the Soul Survivor conference before returning to the States in August. I would like to hear how each of you are doing so please email me when you get a chance.
Take care and I look forward to reconnecting when I return home. Love and blessings from Tel Aviv.
Eric
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