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07-03-10  Reykjavik
Christian Bale

Jesus. What a week its been, if only u kids knew! This has been an incredible time for me personally, its been so strange for me, those of u who really know me will understand why, but SWEDEN is the best! Get that popcorn ready, get the kettle on, its high time for u guys, my friends, to be updated. "V.Man in Sweden, part 2, "American Psycho", coming up!

Well after my first week in Sthlm, I ventured south to be with the legend that is "Svavacious"! Funniest week on record, the interplay was funnier than Morecambe and Wise, better than Hale and Pace, smarter than Abbot and Costello, more intriguing than Laurel and Hardy, more inspiring than, well u get the picture.

I have done tonnes of stuff, and I will probably recall it in no particular order, so let The V just go with the flow! First off, the beach in Jonkoping! Tremendous, not been on an actual sandy beach, in good weather, with swimmable waters in time, felt brilliant! Surely a decent tan has been worked up, at the cost of future cancer probably, hopefully the Spanish in me will iron out any issues. Met most of Svavas friends, she is drowning in them, shes a popular girl and her family are excellent, A plus!

H&M got plundered by the V, I was rifling through their products with reckless abandon, didnt care whos toes I stepped on, Ive missed that store loads, quality clothes, with a hip style, made by hardworking Vietnamese children working a 19 hour day in a windowless shack for 5 dong an hour. It may not be glamorous, but its good, honest work! Just kidding.

Went for a truly Jurassic Park style run around a forest which Spielberg probably considered using when filming the Jurassic Park trilogy. The ravines in there were so deep, I honestly thought if I fell off the edge I would face one of two fates. 1. Plummet downwards to certain death off the dizzying ravine and straight into the jaws of a bloodthirsty T-Rex, waiting expectantly at the bottom for me, or 2. Tumble perilously over the side but miraculously cheat death by sliding down the gargantuan neck of a nearby grazing Brachiosaur, or some other friendly herbivorous chum. Seriously, the foliage at Svavas place in Jonkoping is breathtaking, nature at its best, felt like Jeff Goldblum but younger.

Music: a baffling ordeal. My tastes have been all over the place this week, ranging from Elton Johns works from The Lion King, which have almost reduced me to tears, albeit masculine ones. Contrast that with the heady, adrenaline fuelled beats of Fatboy Slims "Right Here, Right Now". I really am a man living on the edge.

Twas my first midsummer in Sweden and this hallowed tradition did not disappoint. Had a fabulous meal with Svavs family, and then hung out with her buddies that evening, Swedish flags abound, really getting into the swing of things! Thats one of the many things I love about the Swedish people, guarded at first, your best mate once they know u, and some of the smartest and funniest peeps on record. Kudos to them, real kudos, these kids have got it right.

Watched American Psycho a couple of nights ago and literally laughed myself to sleep, Chris Bale is a genius, one day it should be Sir Christian Bale. Dancing round in that fucking see through macintosh to 'Hip to be Square', cracks me up every time. Dale totally agrees with me,its fact as far as we're concerned. Watched a staggering amount of Simpsons with Svava, seriously funny, will be quoted a mind-blowing amount in the coming weeks.

Have become way more comfortable speaking Swedish, far prefer it compared to Icelandic, I can see me taking it up full time, its well funny.

Funniest thing this week turned into a living nightmare. Svava wanted to show me a picturesque view of Jonkoping from the peak of this Everest-style mountain which overlooks the entire town. There we are, almost 2am, pitch black, careering up this mountain on the designated road. After a while, I turned to her and said, "Are u certain we can use this road?", "Yeah!" Svava answered, totally not caring that we were fucking blasting up this dangerously tight and twisty footpath which we could barely see. Sheer drop on one side and there we are, motoring, at pace, Colin McRae rally style, passing benches and bins (dead giveaways that it was a pedestrianised zone) as I began to grip the seat, preparing for the inevitable heavy braking, which transpired as we almost flattened a couple out for a peaceful, late night promenade. Imagine their utter shock and displeasure at being faced with a speeding estate car bursting round the corner, complete with dazzling headlights blinding them - the last thing they would expect at the top of that tranquil vantage point! No harm no foul though, and out we got, to witness a life-changing view of her quality city. Really spectacular with all the lights twinkling, with the sea to the right, beautiful. On the way back though, the car door on my side was open. I was sure I had shut it. What followed was a lengthy inspection of the car by me just to make sure some nutcase hadn't sneaked into the back in a chilling attempt to murder us on the way home. In pitch black it was a little unsettling, but I soon realised that should that eventuality unfold, it would be the would-be assassin who would be in the most trouble, u dont anger The SpiderVMan American Psycho. I would have vented fury on him. I'm a peaceful, law abiding man, but no-one ruins the V.Mans vacation, no way.

Thats all I have time for right now, sirens blaring outside so its time to put on the red and blue Spidey suit and kiss MJ goodbye for now. Needless to say, I have had such an awesome time and I wont forget it, ever. Its felt like a month, and I have been so thankful for this time. Had a 5 hour train ride today to get back to Sthlm, and tomorrow Im flying home to Iceland, so I'll probably feel like Ace Ventura after that part in Ace Ventura 2:When Nature Calls, when he somehow manages to scramble out the ass of that robotic Rhino. When I get home tomorrow, I will do just that, so Adam can see me spin my body round just like Jim Carrey does as I hit the floor in exhaustion and frustration.

Sweden. The greatest.

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