The hardest part about being a Peace Corps Volunteer is living in a state of perpetual unpredictability.
Every night when I go to bed I ask myself if I´ll live through the next day, both figuratively and literally. And when I wake up early in the morning, put on my dirty work clothes and rubber boots, and step out into another rainy day, I ask myself, "What the heck am I doing here?"
Working as a Volunteer in the outdoors most of the time, I expose myself to the elements far more than I would in a typical office job. Just in the last two weeks, I have been engaged in a massive reforestation project to help conserve eroded river banks in my community. I have had to deliver and plant trees in swampy areas, on the edge of a rushing river, and in areas where cows and bulls don´t like to be disturbed by humans. Yesterday I had to cross an untamed river in a narrow canoe in order to meet with local villagers who want trees delivered to their site as well.
It´s the exposure to the elements that scares me most. Riding on a bus here is true exposure. The roads in the Amazon are muddy, slippery, bumpy, narrow, and characterized by steep cliffs. Every so often I´ll see a cross on the side of the road, evidence of a past accident, and I keep my fingers crossed and my eyes closed as we drive along a precipice.
And as for my sense of time? Completely out of whack because the weekend doesn´t really exist here. Everybody works here 7 days a week, cuz they´ve all got farms to tend to and cows to milk. I work on Saturdays and Sundays myself, so the days just blend together in one big blur.
For example, yesterday, I derived satisfaction when I built my own tree nursery and planted 40 seeds from 5 different tropical tree species that I collected in the rainforest. This Saturday, I´ll be working all day with a local association to help them build their own for-profit tree nursery. On Sunday, I´ll be doing a feasibility study for another local organization that wants to start up a small business.
My sense of time is really screwed up because I don´t work 9 to 5. I work whenever I have a project (which is everyday) and when I feel like taking a break, I take a break. I don´t use a time card, and my boss has only come to visit once since I´ve been working in the Amazon. It doesn´t really feel like I´m working. I feel like I´m doing what I want, which is natural resources conservation, and helping people improve their lives.
Often times I feel edgy, without a seatbelt, in a crummy mood, and the only thing that keeps me going is remembering why I´m here.
Remember your "why",
Supernova
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