Hello everyone, it's Alex here, thought I'd better make the effort to write a journal entry myself and give Charlie a break... We're in the back of beyond at the moment, or to be more specific, a little town called Tupiza, which is in Southern Bolivia, about fifty miles from the Argentine border. We came down from Oruro almost a week ago on the train journey from hell.
It took thirteen hours to get here. Our carriage was mostly taken up with a huge aesthetically challenged family that looked like the Bolivian version of the Clampets.
The train set off at three o clock, but it goes dark early round here so we only had three hours of daylight to watch the passing scenery of red mountains, giant cactuses and flocks of flamingos, it was all very peaceful and calming as we watched the sun go down over the Altiplano. Unfortunately all that ended abruptly the minute it went dark. All the locals slammed down the metal shutters on their windows and the television which had been quietly lurking at the end of the carriage suddenly burst into life and for the next eight hours we were subjected to an ear splitting show of noisy cowboy films and cheesy Latin American pop videos. As the night relentlessly wore on the air got steadily smellier as the heating was also turned up full blast.
Neither of us got a wink of sleep as the seats didn't seem to be built for anyone taller than five feet. At one point we tried to figure out how to recline our seats but even that ended in disaster, mine wouldn't budge an inch, Charlie managed to get his to go right back, but when he tried to straighten it up again, the seat shot forward, he trapped his finger and the entire contents of his plastic cup of red wine went all over me. [It was just like a re-run of one of those old Cinzano advertisements with Joan Collins and Leonard Rossiter] Anyway, obscenities were exchanged and we spent the next hour in a frosty silence.
We finally arrived in Tupiza at the ungodly hour of 4 in the morning, and trudged through the deserted dust blown streets to the Hotel Mitru were we gratefully dropped into a blissful sleep in the comfiest bed we've slept in for the last five weeks.
After a couple of days of restful recuperation we were ready for a bit of adventure [famous last words] so we enquired about going on a horse riding trek, which is a popular pastime round here. Even though neither of us has been on a horse before we had romantic visions of clip-clopping cowboy style through the cactus strewn badlands surrounding Tupiza. We asked at the tour office if the trek was suitable for complete novices and were told "You've never galloped before? No problem!" When we explained that we'd never even sat on a horse before, they said, rather too eagerly for my liking, "No experience? No problem!" So we duly turned up the next morning and there was just one Israeli couple doing it as well as us, they'd been riding a few times previously, so pretty much knew the ropes, which made me even more anxious about making a complete idiot of myself, to be honest I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to even get on the horse in the first place. Anyway, we walked around the corner to the stables to meet our four trusty steeds. When I first saw them I couldn't believe how high they were. We had two guides between the four of us, and they asked if any of us had been riding before, luckily I was given the most docile horse, they must have been able to see the fear in my eyes. Anyway, I managed to get on after a few attempts and we were briefly told how they work; pull the reins to stop, down to either side for left and right and a nudge in the ribs to go faster. That was the extent of our training, no quick trot around the yard to see if we could do it OK, no riding hats, just straight out onto the crazy streets of Tupiza.
After about ten minutes we got out into the mountains and began to relax a little, this was how we imagined it would be, ambling along on horse back at a nice relaxed pace, gazing out over the mountains, it was like being in our very own cowboy movie, I half expected to see Roy Rogers and Trigger to come trotting by at any moment.
Well, this easy reverie went on for a little while until we came across a herd of goats and their vicious guard dogs. It was at this moment that Charlie realised his horse had a bit of a canine phobia. This dog came tearing out of the bushes baring his teeth, Charlies horse reared up and headed off in the opposite direction to the rest of us, fortunately, he managed to keep his cool and expertly got him back on track again. Things calmed down again until the guide at the front and the more experienced riders decided they'd go for a little canter which soon turned into a full blown gallop, I was right at the back at this point, thinking to myself that they could get on with it, there was no way I was going to run before I could walk. What I didn't take into account was the fact that it wasn't really up to me. My horse saw his buddies up at the front galloping off and having a whale of a time and decided he didnt want to be left out. He started off gently trotting, which wasnt too bad, even though I was being bounced around in the saddle like a pea in a marracca, and I could feel it doing untold damage to my backside. A gentle trot just wasn't enough for old Neddy though, he decided he wanted to be up at the front with his buddies and promptly tore off into a full gallop while I hung on for dear life, my sweaty palms making it more and more difficult to keep a grip. It was at this point that one of our Israeli friends flung a bit of advice at us over his shoulder "Keep only your toes in the stirrups, not your whole foot,just in case you come off". Well, my whole feet were firmly stuck in the stirrups, I tried to wriggle them free, but the stirrups were stuck behind the tongues of my trainers, while Neddy galloped on, oblivious to my rising panic. It got to the point were I thought I couldn't hang on for much longer and I began frantically shouting "Whoa, whoa, for Gods sake, whoa!!" at the top of my voice. Our in depth training session started coming back to me and I gave a good tug on the reins, Neddy didnt like having his fun curtailed and started thrashing his head around wildly, but after a few more gentle tugs he thankfully began to calm down. I heaved a sigh of relief as our guide caught me up and explained that the horses don't understand the word "Whoa" and that just a sharp tug on the reigns would be enough to make it stop, I felt pretty foolish at this point, I can tell you. For the next half an hour we alternated between restful trots and manic gallops as the horses at the front set the pace for the rest of us. I still couldnt get out of the habit of shouting Whoa, but we eventually stopped for something to eat and I tried to calm my shattered nerves.
During lunch I think old Neddy decided he wasn't too keen on me. When we set off for the return leg of the journey he just did his own thing. If the other horses turned right, he decided he was going to go left, and sometimes he just stopped dead in his tracks and refused to budge at all. No amount of reign pulling, nudges in the ribs or 'Giddyups' from me would convince him to budge. I lost count of the times the guide had to come and take the reins and literally drag him in the right direction. Eventually we had to break off from the rest of the group while they galloped off into the midday sun.
We finally limped back into Tupiza half an hour later than the rest of the group. Back in the stables I reflected upon my anxiety about being able to get on my horse at the beginning of the trek, I really shouldn't have worried, it was getting OFF that was the problem, my thighs and knees had stiffened up so much I couldnt swing my leg over and I had to be literally peeled off the horse, how embarrassing!
We walked bandy legged back to the hotel like a couple of ageing John Waynes, and back in the sanctuary of our room I decided to take a shower and howled in agony when I turned the water on and realised that half the skin was missing off my backside.
Well needless to say, it was an interesting experience, one that neither of us is too keen to repeat in the near future as we have barely been able to sit down for the last few days.
Anyway, just so you don't forget what we look like, there should now be two photos of us uploaded onto our pages, you just click on 'pictures' I think. They're from last month on the Inca Trail. By the middle of August we should have some more pics on here so stay posted!
Alex.
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