July 9, 2003 9:32pm
Safely arrived in Tbilisi. Got in around 2:30am Wednesday morning, got to bed around 4:30 and planned a two-day conference with my bosses all day today. Toward the end I was drifting off into space or somewhere. I"m not sure where, but it was a strange place with lots of monkeys. Any place with monkeys is a friendly place. Remember that. I need to catch up on some sleep. I"ve been told that I"ve been sending incoherent and strange e-mails. Who needs lucidity? Not me.
Following a day of meetings I headed over to look at my first apartment option. It"s dirt cheap ($250/month) and there"s a reason for that. It"s a bit archaic Soviet, which is of course a good and a bad thing. I was hoping there would be a Lenin bust, but instead there was a large wooden cross on the wall. It had 30-foot ceilings (the room, not the cross). Well, maybe 15-foot, but they seemed 30-foot, and with the jet lag they seemed to be getting further the more I walked around the place, much like that scene in Time Bandits when the midgets first arrive. The kitchen was in poor shape, it was on the first floor, and it was a bit small. In any case, I politely thanked the landlady and told her I had to look at a few more places before I could make a decision. Upon leaving, Kelly, my boss here in the region, informed me that I could do much better. And now IÂ’m looking at a floor plan for a 2-bedroom, 2-bath place with two balconies. Posh, high hog type livin", great location. Some crime there historically, but not in a while. Just some muggings, no murders that I no of, decapitations, or latenight jaywalkings.
Today I also inherited a laptop from my predecessor. It"s a deceiving little machine, built by that technological leviathan, Asus. ItÂ’s Soviet gray and weighs as much as a small television. I need not worry about anyone stealing it as they would likely require a forklift. In any case, despite its appearance, it"s a Pentium III with a 1GHz processor, 30GB hard drive, 256MB RAM, and a DVD player. I"ve already confirmed that it plays American DVDs, so I"ll be able to watch Eddie Izzard and Old School as many times as I care to. Fine films, but hopefully I"ll be able to keep busy with other exploits. The situation sounds good for keeping busy here, with a decent expat community. I was invited to a traditional Georgian margarita party tonight but had to decline in favor of sleep. Many people do not realize that margaritas are from Georgia. So are Ferraris, inner tubes, and gnomes.
No trip to the former Soviet Union is complete until you"ve argued with a cab driver. Luckily I have this out of the way. I was told to pay 2 lari ($1) and upon reaching my hotel; the driver insisted on 3. We argued a little and I told him that I"ve never paid more than 2 lari for the trip I just took, which is technically true. This was my first real Russian dialogue since arrival. Perhaps it should be inserted in a textbook:
Passenger: Thank you for the ride, sir. Here are 2 lari.
Driver: Hey buddy, you me one more lari.
Passenger. Thank you, sir, but the cost of the ride is 2 lari.
Driver: No, it"s not, jackass. It"s three.
Passenger: Thank you for your opinion, taxi driver, but I"ve never paid more than 2 lari and I refuse to give you 3.
Driver: Asshole.
Passenger: Thank you! Would you like to go to the cinema?
If I remember correctly, almost every language"s textbook"s early dialogues include the query, "Would you like to go to the cinema?" Is this phrase really so essential to the traveler"s lexicon? Has this always been the case with textbooks? Or did someone at some point have to write to Berlitz and say something like, "You know, you really ought to put in something about going to the cinema. You can imagine my embarrassment when I went to Madrid and had to ape out what I was looking for. It was quite a sticky situation that nearly caused an international incident."
Anyway, the driver cursed at me in Georgian and drove off. So it goes. This letter hasnÂ’t been very interesting. Sorry about that. I blame jet lag and bad juju. Drop me a line if youÂ’re able. I like mail.
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